Tips for Discerning Spiritual Mentorship

Spiritual mentorship can take a variety of forms, whether your mentor is a pastor, church leader, or close friend. Though the term “spiritual mentor” sounds pretty professional, it’s actually just the fancy term for any person you allow to speak into your relationship with God. Often this person gives you advice related to your faith, and perhaps they even preach sermons or teach you about God.

We get to choose who impacts our spiritual life. Given how this is the most important aspect of our lives, we must discern who can be trusted with this authority.

Unfortunately, there are many people out there who have good intentions but do not give godly counsel. Even sadder is that there are still others who intentionally distract people from God’s voice. This isn’t meant to scare you, but with this in mind, it may help you weed out who to receive spiritual direction from.

I’m still in the process of figuring out what a good spiritual mentor looks like, but I’ve been blessed to receive both amazing, godly mentors and others who have taught me what to watch out for. Here are a few tips for discerning whether someone should have spiritual authority in your life:

Does your mentor display these traits?

• Humility
• Graciousness
• Joy
• Love
• Peace

Mentors come in all personality types, so it isn’t wrong for you to feel more drawn to someone who is energetic while your friend may be drawn to someone calmer and more soothing. However, there are a few core spiritual traits that should be evident in someone spiritually mature.

These gifts of the Holy Spirit reflect a person’s walk with God, particularly humility. It is dangerous to receive advice from someone who believes they have all the answers and take the place of God. They must know their worth: without God, they are nothing, but because of God, they are loved more than they could ever imagine. When we are influenced by people who know their worth, we will feel seen and loved as well.

Does their advice make you feel…

• Convicted
• Hopeful
• Loved
• Eager to spend more time with God

These four attributes are vital to sound spiritual advice. If your mentor is constantly praising you without being honest about where you may need to grow, then they are not a credible source of wisdom. The Bible is meant to convict us in a loving way so that we are reminded of our need for God and our call as His creation to love others as we have been loved.

With that said, you shouldn’t feel constantly beaten down either. The Bible is meant to give us hope that while we can’t save ourselves we have a Savior who loves us and allows us to do His work. Someone who puts you constantly to shame may not be aware of their own need for God’s grace. Mentors should be a reflection of God’s voice, not a speaker of the enemy’s deception.

Ask yourself these questions after being with them:

• Do I respect them more after this conversation?
• How does spending time with them make me feel?
• Do I feel prompted to grow or take a proactive step after being with them? (Even if that step means rest or boundaries)
• And lastly, the most important one: What gut sense am I receiving after asking God for wisdom?

Make sure you are including God in this discernment process. With Him at the core of your decisions and relationships, you will grow and learn no matter who you are with. Sometimes, we will have a sense that doesn’t align with what we can see, but it may be the Holy Spirit nudging us to either take a leap of faith or step back from a bad situation. Trust that God will provide you with the mentorship you need and pray that you may be surrounded by those who fill you with God’s love.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:9

Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still;  teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

Proverbs 9:9

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

Hebrews 13:7

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it.

2 Timothy 3:14