Uprooting Resentment

I have the uncanny ability to kill plants whenever I’m in my backyard. I’m not sure how it happens, but the badminton birdie or the big green ball or the frisbee will be in the air one minute, and the next it’s steering directly into a flower head.

But weeds, well, those are a whole different story. They are often equipped with thorns to prevent you from removing them by hand, and even when you successfully tear them out of the soil, often their roots are left behind, making your work meaningless.

Sometimes, it feels that way with relationships. Joyful moments with loved ones, like beautiful flowers, can be easily overshadowed by an argument or miscommunication or one person disappointing the other. And when thorny anger takes root…man, those roots run deep.

Anger, especially when it first pops up, isn’t a “wrong” feeling. Often, it’s quite justifiable. Your neighbor didn’t show up when you needed them. A friend lied to you. Your parent unintentionally participated in your need for therapy. A coworker’s mistake cost you a promotion. The list could go on and on.

But there comes a point when the anger begins hurting you more than anything else. It chokes out the life in you each time you replay the painful moment of betrayal.

There comes a time when you need to get on the thick gloves and pull out the sharp shovel to do the real work of uprooting your resentment.

Anger transforming into resentment doesn’t happen overnight. It usually takes a few weeks, sometimes months, and it really thrives on years. In fact, the longer you water it with supporters of your resentment and tend to it with better comebacks, the stronger it becomes.

I am someone who struggles with resentment. I didn’t realize this for a long time, often because I thought my anger was justified. And maybe it was, at first. But then it grew so big, it blocked my vision of seeing anything more beautiful.

Though I am accountable for listening to my resentment over the Holy Spirit’s voice of grace, I was also susceptible to those who encouraged these harmful feelings. They were well-meaning people, of course, but when the voices around us inflate our negative feelings towards others, we need to step back and question whether they are voices worth listening to.

There are two things killed when resentment consumes our lives. The first is our joy. We forget the beautiful things about life and relationships when we focus solely on who hurt us. The second is our love. We begin to question the motives of those who love us, even those who haven’t hurt us, when we allow resentment to tell us that everyone is out to harm us. And we forget how to show others love in the way Jesus has demonstrated for us, through grace and forgiveness and honesty.

Resentment may seem “nicer” than being honest with the people who have hurt us. I know it feels easier, but it’s not.

While confronting others with the truth about their mistakes or admitting there’s a broken piece in our relationship with them is difficult and may result in tears or discomfort, it is vital to forming healthy relationships.

No relationship built on mistrust, false pretenses, and doubt will flourish.

Today, ask Jesus to help you uproot your resentment. It may take some time, but start by avoiding conversations that revolve around complaining about the person who has harmed you, and instead find a healthier way to either approach that person directly (with mercy) or someone who can actually help the situation.

Pray that Jesus opens your heart and fills it with the strength to let go of your resentment and press forward into who you are meant to become.

You are not in this battle alone. ❤

When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.

Acts 11:23

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 3:23-24