Don’t Be a Mean Enemy

It’s easy to be nice to people who are nice to us.

But every enemy was once a friend, or at least in a proximity close enough to you to have hurt on either side from the falling out.

I’m sure you’ve seen this most often when a couple breaks up and starts posting nasty things about each other online. Soon, you begin to wonder what they even saw in each other in the first place! Or when two close friends or family members break ties, then it’s as though you can’t speak of them again.

So what happens when it isn’t so easy to be nice anymore?

Our culture would tell us to get them back or, at the very least, snub them. They need to PAY for what they did!

But I’d like to offer a new piece of advice, or really a not-so-new piece of advice that Jesus first gave that goes against our human nature.

Let’s love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5:43-44).

But why? Why should we listen to such a hard commandment?

Here are a few reasons that help me when I struggle (which is often) with being kind to difficult (and even hurtful) people in my life.

We don’t know what’s going on for real.

When we are angry at someone, it’s easy to assume the worst. But the truth is, a lot of times falling outs or unkind words aren’t really about us. They are about something else that is fogging up the other person’s vision that could be hurting them or making them lash out. This isn’t an excuse for mean behavior, but it does remind us to extend them grace.

We may have a part to play in the situation.

Now, this certainly isn’t to victim blame. There are many times when we are hurt by someone who is trying to execute power over us and it isn’t our fault when we are wounded by them.

This advice is for when you don’t want to take responsibility for a difficult relationship even though you may not have been the easiest person either. We enjoy blaming others when we know deep down that there’s something in us that needs fixing too.

But the best path to healing is forgiveness. Having enough grace and humility to admit our mistakes and not let them define us, and also extending that mercy to others.

We have been forgiven for far more than we could ever forgive someone else.

It’s important to remember who is telling us to love our enemies: Jesus. Every time we sin, we hurt Jesus, acting like an enemy to Him.

But Jesus loves us anyway and paid the ultimate price to be in relationship with us. He knows what it’s like to forgive something so painful, a true betrayal, and still love anyway.

Whenever we get the chance to forgive someone, it’s an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and feel grateful for His sacrifice.

We look rather ridiculous holding a grudge.

Sorry to be direct, but it’s true, isn’t it? We all roll our eyes when someone goes on and on about their issues with someone, and yet we are just as inclined to act the same way. I know I have, and likely will again in the future.

But there’s always time for a fresh start. Even just the effort of being more considerate with your words and actions towards someone you don’t like will make it harder to be unkind to them in the future. Allow yourself to process the pain and anger without acting in impulse.

Then you’ll never have a regret, and you just might find yourself with a friend again 🙂

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Luke 6:27-28