The Root of Resentment

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11