Behind You, Beside You, Before You

I’ve always seen the value in honesty, and while this blog is dedicated to encouragement, I need to be real with you about my struggles as well as my joys and past lessons learned. It’s really easy finding the morals in the stories that are so far off, they no longer feel like real life, but merely distant history. But perhaps, as we journey together, we can find hope within the current hardships.

Over the past four months, I have really struggled with my mental health. At first, it was related to triggering events over the summer that left me feeling hopeless. I was looking forward to college as an escape from the issues burdening me over the summer. However, college was definitely not what I thought it would be at all.

I want to highlight that I have made many incredible friends who have truly shown God’s love to me and I would never want to undermine the impact they, as well as understanding professors, have lent me during this time.

Yet many of the things I had eagerly anticipated fell through the cracks. A certain friendship that I had hoped would bring joy and encouragement ended up causing me to experience anxiety attacks and many sleepless nights. I began to feel unsafe, unsure of what to do from here.

Lately, I’ve been reading through the book of Isaiah, which I shared on a previous post. I always associate Isaiah with the idea of being “sent” by God.

I love the verse, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

I believe that we all have a calling and that God wants to work through whoever is willing. But what I have struggled to comprehend is the fact that God does not always send us to places where we feel fulfilled or loved or worthy. God does not always send us to people who want to embrace us and accept the gifts we bring.

For Isaiah, his calling was incredibly unpleasant. He had to warn the people of the impending destruction of their entire way of life. No one would like him after that. No one would want to listen to him either.

However, Isaiah was willing, and God worked through him to bring forth many miracles.

Later on, Isaiah is given another message, the exciting news of the promised Messiah! But it took sharing the bad news before Isaiah could share the good news.

Not every single one of your callings will be uncomfortable. We can have hope in that. God will never leave us stranded.

As I’ve been trying to comprehend why the past few months have felt like a never-ending rollercoaster of surprising misfortunes, I came across this verse in Isaiah chapter 8: “Devise a plan; it will fail. Make a prediction; it will not happen. For God is with us.” (Isaiah 8:10)

One of my biggest reasons for feeling discouraged during this season is because so many of the things I truly believed would be huge blessings have ended up exactly the opposite of what I had anticipated. Yet this verse tells us that we can find hope when our plans and predictions don’t follow through. God’s presence is enough to make all things right and sustain us when we feel like we can’t take another step step further.

Later on in this passage, God instructs Isaiah to tell the people to not fear what the world fears. The world fears an effaced reputation, a loss in self-confidence, and ultimate desolation. But we know that our strength, our confidence, our identity, and our future is in God’s hands. We have nothing to fear.

Today, let God’s words to you resonate in your soul. God loves you so much and His plan is far greater than any battle you are fighting. He will go above you, before you, behind you, and beside you. ❤

I will wait for the Lord,

who is hiding His face from the house of Jacob.

I will wait for Him.

Isaiah 8:17