Changing the Way We Speak to Ourselves

On this Encouragement Thursday, I’ll be taking a break from my “Life Hacks” series to talk about something I find incredibly vital when seeking a fulfilling, joyful life.

There are so many theories on how to have the “best happiness” or really how to have the “best mental” health. A lot of times this advice comes in the form of annoying cliche expressions, such as:

“With every storm comes a rainbow.”

“Just stay positive!”

“You got this!”

“If you actually try your best, then success will follow.”

I could keep going, but you get the idea, and in fact, you could probably create a list like this yourself. Sometimes, when life is going amazingly spectacular, we agree with this advice. We might even give it out. But then, when the storm really hits, and all our mind can think to do is criticize, these words hurt. They sting. Then they carry with us to the next storm, and the next, until the storms feel never ending.

What’s truly the secret to having better mental health?

Well, the truth is there’s no clear cut way for each person. We’re all different. But to me, the best way of improving mental health is cultivating encouraging conversations in our minds. Changing the way we speak to ourselves and about ourselves, especially in certain conversations.

Talking about our trauma

By the time someone reaches the end of their life, they’re bound to have experienced at least one traumatic event. This often comes in the form of death, illness, or violent experiences. But sometimes trauma can be an ongoing pain or experience. Trauma takes many forms, it’s not something that can be boxed in. While an event might not be a big deal for one person, it might be truly traumatic for another. Yet our society doesn’t seem to understand that trauma comes in many forms. That has caused us to undermine our traumatic experiences.

Here are some key things to think about when discussing or thinking about the effects of your traumatic event(s):

• Stop apologizing or feeling bad about your limitations

When I got into a serious car accident, I didn’t want to admit how much it had affected me and my mental health. I struggled with asking for help, and when I did, I felt guilty about it for years afterwards. It has taken me until now, two years later, to realize I am worthy of the help I received. I am also not any weaker for asking for help.

Do you often apologize when asking for help? That stems from lacking self-worth. Yet Jesus calls us His precious children, worth dying on the cross for. When we find our worth in Jesus, we will begin to realize we are worth it. Jesus is the source of our strength; therefore, we will never be “weak”.

• Rephrase the way you view your shift in capabilities

For months after my car accident, I would hide my fear of driving by saying I was “bad at it”. That got ingrained in my head and only further heightened my anxiety. Instead of saying I was bad at it, I should’ve said “I’m not a confident driver”. That shows that I may not be there yet, but I can be someday.

When you think about yourself, don’t put your capabilities into a tiny box. You have so much potential. Instead of saying “I can’t do this”, say “I can’t do this yet“. Instead of saying “I don’t know how”, say “I don’t know how right now, but I hope I will someday”.

Leave room in your life for possibilities.

Is everybody watching?

Whether you’re shy, self-conscious, or have social anxiety, I’m sure you can relate to the feeling of everybody watching you when you enter the room. Perhaps we get this idea from the countless movies that depict the scene where the protagonist enters the school dance and all eyes turn to her. Or maybe the media has done it by providing new articles on scandals and intimate details of celebrities’ lives.

Well, I’m here to tell you something. No, everybody is not watching. And if someone happens to be, they will likely not remember what you’re wearing, whether you have a smudge of sauce on your face, or if you’re frowning. The only way you’ll make a grand entrance is if you’re carrying a giant stuffed money or an inflatable scarlet parrot 🙂 *spoken from others’ experience*

But think about it, do you remember what so-and-so was wearing, even if they were “popular”? Probably not. You just remember what you were wearing or maybe what your crush or best friend was. You might not even remember that!

Let’s face it: we’re in a self-obsessed world. While people can go on and on about how that hurts others, I think that hurts us the most. When we focus too much on ourselves, we lose track of the important things, like whether or not we reached out to the lonely person in the corner or if we said “thank you” to the tired hosts. We also begin that negative self-talk, like “everyone must think I’m an idiot for wearing bright orange” or “I don’t have any friends because no one’s talked to me in ten minutes”.

No. Trust me, all they’re thinking about is themselves and how bad they feel.

You know what would be memorable, though? (Besides the inflatable animals?) Being the one who makes someone’s day by complimenting their unique outfit or going across the room to talk to them. Be that person. Be the person who gets out of their head and into the heart of someone else.

What does God have to say about all this?

If you’re a long-time reader of The Will to Wake Up, you know that most of my posts come back to faith. And the truth is, you might be wondering what all this has to do with God. Does God care about what we say to ourselves?

In a word, YES.

You don’t think those +365 times He says “Don’t worry” in the Bible was intentional? Um…okay.

You don’t think “Set your mind on things above” refers to thinking about things that matter rather than things that are temporary? Sure…

You don’t think Jesus emphasizes how He’s the giver of peace because He knows we’ll struggle with retaining mental stability? Well…

The list could go on, and hopefully these few examples are sparking the other instances God reminds us of how important it is to take our thoughts captive. The bottom line is this: When we find our worth in Jesus and remember that He’s the only One who’s watching us, then we don’t have to worry about living up to others’ expectations. We don’t have to live in fear of being worthless anymore.

Your experiences, your pain, and your joy are all valid. People care about you. Jesus cares most of all. Today, instead of thinking bad things about yourself, tell Jesus your concerns and ask Him to give you peace.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8