When to Speak Truth

I was talking to one of my friends today, and we both agreed that the thing that seems the most “taboo” these days is offending someone. We do everything we can to avoid it, even lying about important things.

Now, I am certainly not saying you should go out and say hurtful things to others. But I do think we should be more aware of when we compromise our values in favor of flattering someone rather than being honest. We must speak the truth in love, not in a way that is intentionally sharp or demeaning. When we are seeking to be more honest, we must ask ourselves these questions:

1. Why is saying this important?

Words are like weapons. They can protect, or they can destroy. We must use our words to build people up and to help them grow. If this piece of honest advice will help the person you care about, then tell them. If it will help them grow closer to God, then tell them. If this will change an unpleasant situation, tell them.

Really evaluate why you believe you should say this. That may motivate you to speak this truth if you were unsure. This may help you better word what you have to say. Or maybe if you’re saying it for the wrong reason, you can reevaluate what you need to do. But before making any decision, knowing why you are considering doing it is wise.

2. Am I saying this because I want to be honest and helpful or because I want to feel better about myself?

Now, the one place I have seen people blunt and loose-lipped is on social media. People have no issue yelling at each other and criticizing everyone who does one little thing wrong. The reason why this is hurtful and unproductive is because these words, while they may have a grain of truth to them, come from a place of self-righteousness, anger, and hate. Just like the old saying about bullies at school, hurt people hurt people.

So during that evaluation process of why you want to honestly tell someone something, think about if it’s coming from a place of love or a place of pride. Do you feel like you are better than this person? If you do, then what you have to say will likely not help them. But if you believe that you also have things you struggle with, but you’re just farther along on the faith journey, or you happen to have noticed something that could help someone, then you are doing this for the right reason.

3. Is this person already aware of this issue?

Now, I’ll admit I don’t like being corrected. During this time where God’s been teaching me a lot about humility, I’ve come to learn how to discern between constructive and destructive criticism. Then I’ve learned how to accept and grow from the constructive criticism.

But the thing I get so annoyed by is when I’m currently working on a weakness and someone comes up and informs me of that weakness. It’s like, yeah, couldn’t you tell I was working on it? And then I just feel even more discouraged.

Now, if you don’t realize that someone is working on that weakness, that’s one thing. But if you can tell that they are actively trying to improve as a person, then encourage them!

I hope these tips helped you. I know it can be so hard to speak the truth in love, but nothing good comes easy, right? Today, think about how you can better accept truth from people who care about you and want to help you. Also ask God if there’s anything you need to tell someone in your life to help them grow in their faith too.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

1 John 1:8

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

2 Timothy 2:15