Who Defines You?

I don’t know about you, but I can often exhibit people-pleasing tendencies. If you aren’t sure if you are a people-pleaser, consider this list of statements and see if any resonate with you:

1. I feel worn out because of other people’s demands, yet I can’t say no
2. I often feel used by others
3. I get my fulfillment through making others happy
4. I often just go with what others want, even when I have a different opinion
5. I hide my own feelings if they differ from others
6. I get hurt by criticism really easily, even if it’s constructive
7. I try to figure out what other people think of me, because that affects my self-esteem
8. I allow others to decide how worthy I am

If a few of those (or all) really clicked with you, then you have probably had issues setting boundaries and you’ve been really hurt by others for either not appreciating you or for things they have said that you’ve let get to you.

Here’s the thing, yes part of it might be on them for not being diplomatic or for not realizing how you feel. But you need to be honest with yourself and realize that if you’re allowing others to determine how much you are worth, then you are going to be in an endless cycle of feeling less-than. You will never measure up to everyone’s standards of excellence.

I’m in a writing class (there’s a pro-tip coming ahead if you’re also a writer) and we comment on other people’s short stories. As a people pleaser, I often get upset when people don’t like what I’ve written, or even when they’ve found a tiny flaw that doesn’t satisfy them. I’ve allowed their ideas, these random-people-who-I’ve-never-met’s ideas, affect how I view myself as a writer. I am so easily discouraged that I dread reading their comments, even when many of them have both positive and critical things to say.

But here’s the thing: they don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They have their own struggles that they are dealing with. And they have different perspectives. So I should listen to what they are saying, but take it with a grain of salt.

As I read the most recent comments, I noticed a similarity between them and ones from previous work. None of them agree with each other. One person likes the opening monologue while another thinks it’s boring. One person feels like a character is their best friend while another can’t relate to them.

My bottom line is this: Whether you are a writer or not, you can’t please everyone. There’s just no physical way.

And the truth is, no person can fully understand you or your whole story. Only God knows you deeply and loves you.

Imagine you see this gorgeous painting that you want to further understand. You wouldn’t let some fifth-grader who just got dragged into an art museum explain the artist’s intent behind their work, would you? Not if you wanted the truthful, deep, thought-provoking answer dripping with love and affection for their masterpiece.

That’s why you shouldn’t let the people you meet online, your coworkers, or even people close to you define you. No one can express how much you are truly worth like your Creator can. He’s the only one who knows your full purpose, how intricately designed you are, and how long it took Him to breathe you into being.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never let yourself believe otherwise.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another.

Isaiah 48:10-11

Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

Genesis 2:7