The Past Me: A Different Look at Comparison

So last post, we were talking about the dangers of comparing ourselves with others. When we fixate ourselves on other people’s accomplishments and thus feel insignificant and incapable, then we lose sight of our worth and our joy. You may have heard similar teaching in the past, but I hope it was an encouraging reminder.

Today, though, we will be talking about a different sort of comparison that I have struggled with a lot recently.

Have you been through a life-altering event?

When I asked that question, some of you may have immediately thought, “Yes”, and proceeded to think of the story related to your answer. Others of you may have thought, “Nothing that significant”. But let me tell you something, any event, even something that might be meaningless to another person, can be life-altering.

Your mindset affects much of your life, yes? They say 10% of how you feel is related to the actual event and the 90% is how you react to it. (Don’t quote me on that, but it’s pretty mind-blowing to think how much our attitude affects our life.)

Anything that has changed the way you view a person, situation, or life in general is a life-altering event. It has changed how you see the world.

Okay, back to the comparison thing. Stay with me here, and it will all make sense!

Last time I talked about how I was comparing myself to my riding partners and how that stole my joy and excitement about riding. Well, I eventually realized what it was doing to my self-esteem and enjoyment of one of my favorite hobbies. I slowly began to regain my appreciation for the sport and felt more fulfilled. But then, about a month ago, I fell off of a horse who I had previously trusted. I know that happens to every rider, and I’ve fallen off under worse circumstances before, but it still caused me to build up this fear towards riding again.

And as the past month has gone by, I’ve struggled with being disappointment in my regression in riding. I’ve taken on some poor habits that I had worked through and I’ve lost my excitement about riding again.

I’ve been so angry at myself. So frustrated. I keep comparing myself to how I used to ride and how I’ve changed since then.

And you might be thinking, Hannah, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re fine. Or, it makes sense that you are afraid. You shouldn’t be mad about that.

But haven’t you ever had a life-altering event change your perspective, and suddenly you can’t enter a situation, activity, or relationship the same way?

We all think that change is such a bad thing. But the issue is not the change in us. It’s how we try to enter these spaces as the same people we used to be.

I heard a message on the radio that really spoke to me. When we walk into a room, sometimes we get a weird vibe that makes us want to leave and re-enter. Sometimes, we have to re-enter the rooms of our relationships, situations, and activities. We need a fresh start now that we are not the same as we used to be. We should have different expectations for ourselves.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to a past version that no longer exists. We often get told to not judge others based on how they used to be. But now we need to extend that same grace to ourselves.

The reason these life-altering experiences happened may not be known to you yet. But they all have a purpose. God is shaping us into the people we are meant to be, and we have to trust that.

No matter how we change, we will always be loved by God. That never changes.

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

2 Corinthians 13:5

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20